This is a much more personal post than most. But ultimately it relates to social media in a way that I think is appropriate for my work blog.
In the past ten months, I have learned about the deaths of three people that I know through Facebook. Two of them were “friends”, one was a “friend of a friend”, actually of several friends. One of them, a former co-worker, died after a bout with cancer. The other two were former high school classmates, both of whom died of suicide.
In all three cases, I learned about this through Facebook wall postings. Over time, the walls became a place where people exchanged information, memories, paid respects, expressed grief and loss, and in some cases supported one another.
Today, just now, I was on Facebook and the one person I wasn’t friends with was just presented to me as “Someone you may know”.
I’ve said that “social networking is truly social” meaning that it is a true extension of ourselves as social creatures: we have embraced it and extended our social behaviors, both good and bad, to that medium. And nothing drives home that point more than death on Facebook.
The suggestion that I “friend” someone who is now dead, and my other recent experiences around the deaths of people on Facebook led me today to realize that Facebook’s use and importance as part of our social interactions has outstripped some of its capabilities. Put simply, Facebook (or any other social networking site) lacks mechanisms to deal gracefully and thoughtfully with death. From the question of “how do you take control of the Facebook account of a loved one who has died” to keeping the profile alive (pun somewhat intended) but reflecting the fact that the person is deceased, there’s no graceful, easy way to deal with death on Facebook.
It’s not just a technology problem: there are questions around etiquette and customs as well that we as a society have to work out.
But at this point, it’s certainly clear to me that as social networking becomes ever more truly social, it needs to be able to handle not just the good of our social lives, but also the hard things.
Kirk asked in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: ”[H]ow we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn’t you say?”
As regards social networking, I believe the answer is an unequivocal “Yes”.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
February 20, 2013 Leave a comment
It’s been a bit since I’ve updated my blog here and thought I should take some time and note some changes.
Most importantly, I’ve moved from my independent consulting practice to work full time for Trend Micro as a threat communications manager. I will still write here sometimes but this is a personal blog and not necessarily reflective of the views of Trend Micro.
I am continuing my monthly column over at the Windmill Networking blog. And I am still contributing to Geekwire from time to time.
And now you can also find me on Trend Micro’s sites. I’m over at our Security Intelligence blog, our consumer-focused Fearless Web blog, and editing and contributing to our Simply Security news and opinion site.
You can keep track of my comings, goings, postings, and interviews by following my professional Facebook page as well as my Twitter handle.
And finally, if you want to see the lighter side of me and my interests you can check out my music blog Andante, and my Central Asian culture and history blog Taklamakan.
Thanks for reading!
Filed under Analysis and Commentary